Early Mormor Musing

How to Avoid Throwing a Bella Naija Wedding.

Is your fiancée stalking the Bella Naija’s instagram page? Taking screenshots after screenshots of featured couples?

It’s two months to the wedding and you haven’t been able to save even half of the money that is needed. All you can think of is how to avoid throwing a Bella Naija wedding.

Welcome. You have come to the right place. However, you should know that for this to work, your fiancée has to be a typical religious Nigerian. What does religion have to do with anything you may ask?

Well, majority of the religious Nigerians today; Christians, Muslims, or Traditionalists, have made their religious leaders into demi-gods, worshiping the ground they walk and accepting all that they say unconditionally without questions.  They also seem not to know that their God, whichever one they believe in, listens to not only the select few who are “called” but to everyone else too.

A popular opinion is that, these men, who supposedly have direct links to God, have access to the future and can give instructions on how to live a perfect, trouble free life, devoid of mistakes. So many have lost their free will and ability to make decisions, and refuse to do anything without first asking for the permission blessings of their consultants religious leaders. It has become so bad that they almost nearly ask them for the permission to breathe.

Pastor, should I travel next week. Is the road safe?

Alfa, should I start the business my friend just introduced me to?

Priest, who should I marry, Amina or Bisi?

Is this girl/boy a good partner for me?

Blablabla….

And as the saying, stop staring into the shadows or you’ll find the monster you’re looking for (or so), goes, they get answers which eerily come to pass, if they don’t act accordingly.

Don’t travel next week. Something tragic will happen.

He has a curse on him. Don’t marry him. He is not your husband.

She’s a good girl. But if you marry her, you’ll face difficult challenges.

There are two ladies in your life, one is fair, fat and not too tall and the other is dark, slim and very tall. Marry the fair, fat one, her star matches yours.

Several cases have being reported in which an engagement is called off just because a pastor or Alfa or Priest said the couple were not destined for one another or some other variation. Many a wedding have also being conducted on the low key because a religious leader said “e ma se la la riwo.” Do not throw a lavish wedding party they said, the bride’s head (spirit) does not like noise or something of the sort.

Well, this can be of use to you, if you are looking to avoid throwing a Bella Naija wedding without pissing off your fiancée or working yourself to death just to make enough money for the wedding ceremony.

Have a heart to heart talk with her about how your family pastor, Alfa or priest has advised that you make the wedding has low key as possible so as not to attract the evil eye. Sure enough, she would gobble it up, hook, line and sinker. And because these things have a weird way of correlating, you don’t have to worry that her own family pastor, priest or alfa, may say different. In fact, what you should be worried about is worse news.

We hope that we’ve been very helpful.

Kindly let us know in the comment box if you can pull something like this to avoid a lavish wedding.

Or do you know anyone who could or who has pulled something like this? Share this post with them, let’s hear from them.

And in related matters.

Would you break off an engagement with the love of your life because your religious leader says you’re not a good fit?

Would you believe your boyfriend/fiancée if he says he wants to call off your engagement for this reason?

 

Disclaimer:

This post is categorized under Early Mormor Musings. The category is a collection of the crazy musings of a hyperactive mind. Take any of the post seriously at your own risk.

 

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2 thoughts on “How to Avoid Throwing a Bella Naija Wedding.

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