Early Mormor Musing

How to Get Yourself Married in 5 Simple Ways.

Are you looking to get married as quickly as possible? You’ve come to the right place. However, I must admit that this methods –although really simple – revolves around moving in with Le boo, and if you’ve read any article, such as this, on the dangers of moving in with Le boo, you may find it difficult using any of this simple methods.

1.Pull an Abuja {or Insert City} Marriage.

 Take a trip to Abuja or any city close by where you don’t know anyone. Or if you are really desperate, go to an area of your city that’s really far from where you live. Wander around aimlessly till you find a guy who looks unmarried.  Approach him with a sorrowful and lost expression, and say this to him.

 “Good evening sir. Ehm. I came to see my sister in Abuja but when I got to her house, I was told she had packed and her number is not available. I don’t have a place to spend the night. Please can I just spend the night here?”

As a sharp guy or kind guy, he would allow you to spend the night in his house. He may or may not attempt to have sex with you that first night. He, however would let you stay a couple of more days, because you are still trying to locate your sister. At this point, you should use the opportunity of the extra days granted you to showcase your wifely skills. Mop the floors, scrub clean the toilet, wash all of his clothes (dirty, clean, rag or undies), and prepare sumptuous meals that would remind him of his mother’s cooking. Days will turn to weeks, and the chemistry between you two would grow considerable, so much that you’ll start to bang each other. Weeks will turn to months and he would have forgotten all about your sister that you were supposedly trying to locate. You would then get a job, as a sales girl, secretary or whatever. Months will turn to years, you would pop out one or two kids and start to refer to each other as ‘my oga’ and ‘my madam’. Congratulations, you are in a marriage.

2. Get Married on Campus.

 Are you a student looking to get married now or immediately after graduation? You can force that dream to come true by having a campus marriage. Have a heart to heart with that bobo who is head over heels in love with you and who you are head over heels in love with. You practically live in his off campus room, so, point out to him the benefits of moving in with him, instead of keeping an apartment that you are never in. He would agree cos home cooked meal, free laundry and of course free sex. So, you would join finances to pay rent and buy foodstuff, and do everything that couples do. If you play your cards right, you would end up living together for the rest of your stay in school, and after.

3. Do a Compatibility Test.

 So you and bobo have been having sex cos you both have to make sure you’re compatible. That’s a very good decision. But you know what would be a better than checking for sex compatibility? Checking for marriage life compatibility. You know, moving in together, getting to know each other better and seeing if you can live together. Sit bobo down and explain the benefits to him, make sure it centers round sex and food. Don’t worry that it may turn out that you are not compatible after all. 6 times out of 10 (I think), things turn out like in the Abuja marriage, or even better, a wedding ceremony is also done.

4. Screw your Aunty.

 Are you tired of your crazy aunty? Nagging and hounding you as if you were 14, instead of 19. “Where are you coming from? What were you doing with that boy?” She always screams at the top of her voice. Are you wishing you could just get married and be rid of her?

Yes. It’s possible. Just pack your stuff and move in with your boyfriend. You’re an adult and old enough to take care of yourself, so you can choose whoever it is you want to live with. You and your boyfriend love each other dearly, and will marry eventually, so what’s the big deal. You don’t have to worry that he introduced you to his landlord as his sister or cousin, they’ll figure out the truth when you overfeed on the ‘milk’ your brother feeds you.

5. Pull the Classic Move.

Deliberately get pregnant. He’s 70 percent likely to propose, to come see your parents, or to ask you to move in. Need I say more?

 

Disclaimer:

This post is categorized under Early Mormor Musings. The category is a collection of the crazy musings of a hyperactive mind. Take any of the post seriously at your own risk.

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