Dear Cheating Married Man,
I understand that you and your friends have infiltrated deep into the society and have successfully initiated a lot of men into your association of cheating married men. You may think this letter is one of those, admonishing you for your ways but you are wrong. I’m not writing to ask you to change your ways, I have better things to do than to give advice to you.
I’m writing this letter because of your most recent advance towards me. It’s bad enough that you and your association brothers use lines such as – “I’ll take care of your needs” (which frankly I have come to think of as a slogan), never mind that I’m quite capable of taking care of my needs myself and have parents for backups. Or the – “you are the only one who gets me, I wish I had met you before my wife” – Mister, am I glad you didn’t? I’m pretty sure you’ll treat me the exact same way you’re treating her right now. I understand some of my friends fall for these lines and some others like “I’ll divorce my wife and we’ll get married”. I’ll like to think that they do not know what they are doing or maybe they do. I really don’t care. It’s their choice. So don’t go thinking I’ll have the same choice as them.
Anyways, back to why I decided to write you this letter. So you and your brothers decided to update your pick up line cache and all you could come up with is – “There’s no big deal in going out with me, after all your people marry two wives.” Like seriously. My people marry two wives, so fuck what! Did you think that line through and understand the implications. Are you saying you want to marry me as your second wife or what, because I don’t really understand what you mean.
First of all, you are not one of my people, or did you fall and hit your head and forgot that your people don’t marry two wives or that our people are not supposed to marry each other. Are we supposed to rebel against your people and mine like Romeo and Juliet or something?
Secondly, you and I both know that you are not really interested in having a second wife. You simply are just not man enough to handle two women under the same roof. So why don’t you just quit dangling your unrealistic line at me. Come to think of it, have you asked yourself if you fit the bill of the kind of man I’ll like to marry? Or whether I’m desperate enough to marry you, a man twice my age.
Oh yes, your best friend, Alhaji, is one of my people and we won’t be pulling a Romeo and Juliet. But then Alhaji knows the way of my people and if he really wants a second wife, he should go ask my dad’s permission to court me, then we’ll talk about whether or not I’m interested in being a second wife or is it fourth wife?
Listen my dear married man, I won’t go out with you or your friend because my people marry two wives. You see, my people also kick against adultery and fornication. I’m sure you’ll let me know as soon as you have a better line. Maybe you’ll get lucky.