My2Cents

Oh Yes, You Can Rape Your Wife.

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So while we waited for the autoclave to go ding, we traded stories. One story led to another and I got talking about an ex-neighbor who raped his wife.

“Rape his wife? That is not possible. How can a man rape his wife?”

I turned to the voice that had spoken, my eyes staring in shock at the owner. I’ll call her MB. My head rang at the naivety and conviction in the tone and excitement ran down my spine in anticipation of the religious argument about to ensue. Hehe. I get off on this things at times.

“It is even islamically impossible for one to rape his wife. She is obliged to fulfill his needs at any time else she’ll be cursed from that night till the next morning by the angels” She continued.

Not her exact words but the totality of her argument. Before I go on about my opinion on the matter, I would like to say that I am a practicing Muslim. I probably don’t look devout but I try to do as much as I can. I’m not writing this post in an attempt to shade Islam nor the people who hold the same opinion as MB, but to share my opinion and hopefully enlighten and change the opinion that there’s no such thing as marital rape in Islam or any other religion for that matter {I gather some Christians hold same view}. With that being said, let’s continue.

 

Rape is sexual intercourse or penetration carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will of a person. It may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority or against a person who is incapable of valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated or below the legal age of consent.

Zinah which includes premarital and extramarital sex is the unlawful sexual activity clearly stated in Quran 17:32 and 24:2-3 as forbidden by Allah. Thus, sex is only lawful in marriage. However, illegal intercourse within marriage is also clearly stated and includes intercourse during menstruation and obligatory fast. There is no place in the Quran that addresses marital rape, but common sense and reasonable translation of the holy books will allow us to arrive at the conclusion, that it is illegal in Islam.

Now MB’s argument was based on the hadith below, Reported by Bukhari and Muslim.

Narrated by Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) The Prophet, (peace be upon him said) “if a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses to come, the angels will curse her until morning comes”

This hadith read alone, will put up the back of someone like me. What about the man? Does this mean he is given a free pass to say no to his wife without consequences? Answer is No. Allah is just and in the matter of sexual right, the husband and wife are equal in Islam.

Salman; “…and your wife has a right over you” – Sahih Bukhari, Vol 7, No 127

Al-Qurtubi; “She has over him the same right of sexual cohabitation he has over her” – Tafsir 2:178.

“…turn not away from a woman altogether, so as to leave her hanging in the air…” – Quran 4:129

Thus, you can’t just read this hadith alone and conclude that a woman has no right to say No to her husband. Religious verses are meant to work with each other.

My question to MB was “What if she’s sick or not in the mood and he forcibly have sex with her. Is that not rape?” MB answers “No, you can’t call it that” I ask “why” but she doesn’t have an answer.

A fatwa, which is a legal opinion, I found in my research states that;

“It is not permissible for a husband to force his wife to do more than she is able to bear of intercourse, if she has an excuse such as being sick or unable to bear it. It is not a sin if she refuses to have intercourse.”

In a normal marriage filled with love and care, when the wife or even the husband says No, neither should be upset but should be understanding and reasonable. Why would the angels curse me because on that particular night I happen to be sick, not in the mood or tired? Allah is not insensitive nor cruel.

In my opinion, the hadith, if it should be used as a stand-alone would only refer to women who withhold sex from their husbands as punishment for some deed or the other. “What if it’s not a punishment and she just doesn’t like sex?” you may ask. Then they should discuss it and come to a reasonable agreement. Either he marries another wife to satisfy his urges or they get divorced.

“Well don’t you know that her denying him may cause him to commit adultery” MB said.

Lol. Even if you have sex with your husband a hundred times daily, he would still commit adultery, if he is so inclined. But I get the whole point that at least the wife won’t be the cause of the sin. However, saying No to your spouse occasionally, because you are tired and can’t keep up with his sexual appetite or sick or just not in the mood should not gain you curses nor cause him to commit adultery or rape for that matter. He should be able to control his urges for a night. Abi, it’s not food Na and he isn’t an animal.

The Prophet (PBUH) is reported to have warned husbands “not to fall into their women like animals”

Now when your wife is not in the mood what do you do? Foreplay mate, not Force.

The prophet is reported by Ibn Magah “to have commanded husbands not to start sexual intercourse unless they start by flirting, talking and kissing their wife till she’s in the mood and capable of sharing the pleasure of the moment.” Furthermore,

It is a vice in a man to assault his unprepared wife, seeking to satisfy his own lust and leaving her before she could achieve her own fulfillment…” – Imam Ghazali

What say you then about an abusive marriage? One in which the abusive man does not force the woman because she says NO. He does not even ask her, he just takes her. Even if she just had consensual sex with him the previous night, a little thing can cause him to flare in the morning, then he’ll be pinning her down and shoving himself into her whether she was ready or not. He does not do this out of desire for his wife but for the desire to control, punish, humiliate and degrade her.

My neighbor, the one I was talking about before I got interrupted, came home around 12 a.m. half drunk and angry about something. 5 or 10 minutes after he arrived, he strips her, beat her and shoves himself into her. We could hear the woman fight back and scream for help. One of the other neighbors came out but couldn’t do anything because he couldn’t just walk into a naked husband and wife to save the wife. Would you then say that, this is not rape because she has to avoid being cursed by the angel and it is better to bear the pain of this world than that of the hereafter, aye?.

Then MB quoted the first part of Quran 2:223. Full verse below

“Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth WHEN or HOW ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah. And know that ye are to meet him in the hereafter, and give these good tidings to those who believe”

According to MB, this verse indicates that a man can have sex with his wife whenever he felt, and she doesn’t have a say. She should just bear it for the enjoyment of the hereafter. Wow. I couldn’t believe my ears. Everything in me rebelled against it. Islam, a religion that glorifies women surely would not really mean that and I told her she probably didn’t know the meaning of that verse or why it was revealed.

After some research, it turns out that the verse was revealed to the prophet to debunk the missionary-position-only rule of the Jews.

Ibn Umar, who used to have sex with his wife from behind asked the Prophet (PBUH), if it was a sin because his Jewish neighbor said it was. Then the verse was revealed to the prophet. Many Scholars have explained this to mean that a Husband can have sex with his wife however he wants as long as the vagina is the site of penetration. The vagina being the tilth here. That is the place of cultivation or implantation where the man puts his seed. This verse also indicates that anal sex is not permitted. Therefore, the verse, in no way permit the husband to have sex with wife whether she wanted it or not.

Furthermore, the prophet says;

“The most perfect amongst the believer in faith is one who has the best manners and the best amongst you are those who are best or kind to their wives”

So tell me, how does being insensitive to your wife’s needs, pinning her down to get your sadistic enjoyment, being the best or kind to your wife. When you force her, you harm her, bruise her internally and possibly externally not to talk of emotionally.

Whether you call a spade a spade or a shovel, they are both used by the bricklayer to scoop sand. Rape is what it is, whether it is carried out by a stranger, a boyfriend or a husband. Marital Rape happens and it is a sin in Islam. If someone is currently perpetrating the act against you, married or not, speak out and get help NOW. Do not be brainwashed!!!

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15 thoughts on “Oh Yes, You Can Rape Your Wife.

  1. Gah! This is some research work gal! Lool.

    I like the way you presented your facts in this bit, and I totally agree with yyou. It’s never the scriptures, but our own shallow ways of thinking, that drives us to questionable conclusions, principles, and beliefs. It’s just same with those ‘set of muslims’ that believe Islam is about shedding of blood and forceful conversion of non- muslims. It’s just very sad.

    I think Islam preaches love, kindness, understanding, and dignity… and as you have rightly said, a man who loves his wife or even much as considers himself a pious muslim would not forcefully slam into his wife unless and until she is ready for him. Marital union is for both parties to be a part of, and enjoy equally. And if a man would decide to act beastly, it is not because the religion accords him that right but because he is just a beast by nature. Similarly, if a wife decides to condone such, it isn’t because the religion requires that she does, but because she is by nature brainwashed, helpless and too weak to seek for help.

    May Allah not let us end up with such beastly men. Amin!

    Welldone babe.

    Liked by 1 person

    • nice research… I think this article is inspiring and an eye opener for everybody… some people go through this routine daily and find it hard to speak up and defend themselves ….. forcing yourself into your wife is hardly the best thing to do… if she’s not in the mood…. you can lighten her mood if she insists that she doesn’t want to do it… you leave her be!!!! after all body no be firewood… she will come back to herself later… people should learn to take each other’s feelings into consideration before acting on impulse and regretting it later….

      Liked by 1 person

    • Amin dear.

      Haha. The ‘research’ was necessary. There’s this set of overly devout peeps, I don’t know if you’ve met any, who feel like they know the religion better than anyone. And even when what they are spewing is wrong & you re trying to correct them, they don’t listen cos they feel like you are not the kind of person to tell them so. Asin, you are too western..#yimu.

      Thanks for stopping by and the contribution darl.. #onPoint.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is plenty talk oo. . .I have almost become a Muslim reading so many verses of the Holy Book. Anyway, my take is that there’s a balance between yours and MB’s POV; Like you said, you may not be in the mood. That has to do with your feelings at a particular time, religiously, that’s not a justified excuse. But in sickness, of course a man shouldn’t even request sex unless the woman asks for it as medicine (Just kidding)

    It is a BIG part of the Understanding couples must have that sex is seemingly of much importance especially to men (I’ve never been a woman) so it is like saying because you are not in the mood to cook, your hungry and tired husband shouldn’t eat till you are ready to turn up.

    PS: Most marriages (I have been told) have this issue. Either the man is a sucker for sex or the woman is a nympho. Let’s all pray and work to have better understanding with our partners

    Cheers Sheedart

    Like

    • I do not dispute the fact that sex is seemingly important to men than women *in most cases*. That, however does not give the man the excuse to rape her and still justify it with religion that its not what it is. C’mon. How does he even enjoin it, when she’s not a willing participant.
      We should stop giving silly excuses for bad habits. There’s no excuse for rape.
      Everything, I guess boils down to understanding. I daresay, most men involved in marital rape are physical abusers too.
      the food thing. If he’s hungry, he has choices. Get into the kitchen himself or go to a restaurant. Would you start beating your wife cos she didn’t prepare dinner? #smh.

      PS: the whole post was hinged on a religious view. Hence, the verses you term many.
      Thanks for stopping by.

      Like

  3. 1.corinthians 7:3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

    5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. this is the Christian stand on it… if she is not in the mood go and pray to God take your mind of it. Man shall not live by bread alone (Jesus spoke using metaphors) bread was the highest point of pleasure in the old days now relate it too the highest point of pleasure in our generation. The bottom line is is she says no Go And Rest!!! Ler her rest too!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This reminds of an article i read years ago which was talking about Marital rape. I was shocked at that because I couldn’t why a husband would rape someone who’s lawful to him.
    I agree with you! Rape is Rape; as long as it’s not consensual, it is rape! And Islam is very clear on its stance against abuse on women. So, people better stop hiding under the whole islam banner.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow what a very comprehensive, educative write up after reading d articles n comments of the reader I was pleased with their views. However I must comment on what sheedart mentioned briefly in one her comment that is “set of overly devout peeps” this set of guys r pain in d a** as they r rigid as in hyper rigid n such is not a good characteristic of a true believer which they claim to be.
    They believe what they no i s the most correct n cos u r kind of more westerner than them means that u no nothing about islam. Prophet Mohammed (SAW) said “seek knowledge of Allah before starting to worship him because if u don’t have knowledge of him how can u worship him.
    This is to my fellow readers please let be very watchful of people that discuss with. so we will not b mislead.

    Liked by 1 person

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